Token Effort
Dec/080
I have to blog now.
If I don’t, it will have been two months since I last bothered.
That doesn’t strike me as being particularly useful. Really, what useful thing happens every two months? Attending university lectures? I can’t think of anything.
I think it’s just that I haven’t had time to write, rather than having nothing to write. Of course, there is a popular school of thought amongst introspective bloggers that there’s only something to blog about when life is shit/difficult in some way. This is not a problem that I have. If I was religious, I’d thank God for blessing my meagre existence with such good fortune. My main issue is that I have too much awesomeness to pack into the available 24 hours of each day. There just isn’t the same motivation to blog; no need for cathartic venting of feelings.
I mentioned previously that I’d blog about precipitous epiphany. I was alluding to an occasion where I walked home in a spot of rain, and was talking to myself (sometimes aloud, as I was somewhat inebriated*). To be honest, I don’t recall the exact details of what the epiphany was. I certainly know who it concerned; but anyone who has read pretty much any of the previous posts would be able to work that out. The gist of it was that I thought I’d achieved some closure/finality in my mind, by thinking the whole thing out. (It was along the lines of ‘her loss, you’ve had a net-positive experience anyway, despite a bit of disappointment, and it’s time to move on’).
* as I am now, to be perfectly honest. I’m actually at the point where I know that the highest level of comprehension is beyond me and that I should be a little cautious about what I say. I’m also making more typos than usual, but I’m able to pick them up. I’m still sober enough to proof-read, which either means it’s impossible to get me drunk, or that I am so intent on writing correct English that my last action on this earth will be punctuating a sentence.
I should note, I guess, that whatever I worked out in my head that night didn’t really eventuate. I still got distracted, and that pretty much occurred up until the point when she initiated a conversation. That pretty much just said that it was indeed returned to being a two-way street – she talks to me, I talk to her. For the longest time, it basically seemed like I’d have to initiate everything, and that it was my good fortune if it got any response. I don’t feel like I’m explaining this particularly well, but I really don’t want to have another promise at the end of a blog to write about something else. On current form, I’d be composing that message in 2010.
Two months later on, as I now write, I can’t deny that those familiar thoughts cross my mind occasionally. They’re more like ‘ if only this had been a parallel universe; another time; another place ‘ rather than ‘ this must happen, and my world is worthless if it does not ‘. I think it’s inevitable. Until I have a new distraction, my thoughts will always drift to the old one. The old ones, actually.
Imagination is fun.